Raw: [Joe Biden pardons two turkeys – and sparks new conspiracy theories USA TODAY] {Article Source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/11/22/biden-turkey-pardoning-conspiracy-thanksgiving/71669683007/}
See the inspiring stories Come meet us Time to legalize weed?U.S. Israel War Sports Entertainment Life Money Tech Travel OpinionONLY AT USA TODAY:Newsletters For Subscribers From the Archives Crossword eNewspaper Magazines Investigations Weather Forecast Podcasts Video Humankind Just CuriousBest-selling Booklist Pets Food Reviewed Coupons Blueprint Best Auto Insurance Best Pet Insurance Best Travel Insurance Best Credit Cards Best CD Rates Best Personal Loans COLUMNISTSJoe BidenAdd TopicHunter Biden and the dark truth behind Joe Biden’s turkey pardonsSo let’s see … we have two young, strong male turkeys who may very well hail from a foreign country. Did they enter our country illegally with intent to do us harm? Is that why Biden pardoned them? Rex HuppkeUSA TODAYPresident Joe Biden issued Thanksgiving pardons to two turkeys this week during an event the mainstream media would like you to believe was a perfectly normal holiday tradition.But as a MAGA loyalist who believes Donald Trump won the 2020 election AND the 2008 election against Barack Obama (the Deep State kept Americans from knowing Trump was on the ballot!), I assume everything Biden does has a sinister intent.The 81-year-old president, who is both feeble and incapable of thinking for himself AND a devious global criminal mastermind, pardoned two hulking, 42-pound turkeys at the White House on his birthday Monday. The young birds, Liberty and Bell, allegedly hail from Minnesota, though I was unable to independently confirm their place of origin.Is “Minnesota” some kind of code word used by members of the Biden Crime Family? Are we to believe the president issued these pardons without expecting something in return?Something about Joe Biden’s turkey pardons seems very suspiciousAdding to my suspicions, I could hear the turkeys speaking a language that definitely wasn’t English. Isn’t that an interesting coincidence? Was it Turkish? I can’t be sure.MAGA controls Republicans:After Trump’s ‘vermin’ rhetoric draws comparisons to Hitler, Speaker Johnson endorses him?So let’s see … we have two young, strong male turkeys who may very well hail from a foreign country. Did they enter our country illegally with intent to do us harm? Is that why Biden pardoned them?I’m just asking questions here, folks.Presumably Hunter Biden is a part of this turkey-pardoning conspiracyAs if this so-called decadeslong White House tradition didn’t already seem dodgy, I read on the internet Tuesday that the “two turkeys President Joe Biden pardoned Monday have been spotted at Hunter Biden’s home.”Did they ride over there in the president’s Corvette, the one where he stores all his classified documents? I don’t know. Am I the one who posted the information about the turkeys being at Hunter Biden’s house on the internet? We’ll never know for certain.But what’s abundantly clear is these now-pardoned turkeys were very likely board members of the Ukrainian gas company Burisma, the very same company that once had Hunter Biden on its board.Politics and Thanksgiving:How to avoid talking politics at Thanksgiving? Consider a ‘NO MAGA ALLOWED’ sign.Everyone who understands that facts are a form of government control knows this: Joe Biden did something nefarious involving Burisma at some point in order to protect his son from something that was certainly explosively corrupt. I’d explain the details and the evidence that back these claims up, but I don’t feel you can be trusted with that information.I also don’t have that information because it doesn’t exist, but I believe in it strongly enough to manifest my own reality. And if you don’t believe me, I will challenge you to a debate and then not show up because I’ll assume it’s a trap.We need a congressional investigation into Biden’s handling of turkey pardonsThe patriots who are still with me on this might be thinking: OK, this all makes perfect sense so far, but why would Hunter Biden want to get his dad to pardon these turkeys who may or not be Ukrainian oligarchs?It’s a great question, and one that likely explains why you weren’t invited to Thanksgiving dinner this year. (Families are notoriously afraid of TRUTH SEEKERS.)Unfortunately, to get to the heart of this bird conspiracy – which I’m quite sure also involves China, Hillary Clinton and at least one of Obama’s secret madrasas – we’re going to need congressional subpoenas.So I’m calling on some of our most intelligent and sensible lawmakers – like Reps. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Paul Gosar and George Santos – to launch an immediate investigation into Liberty and Bell, the so-called farm in Minnesota where they allegedly were raised and the Biden administration’s obvious scheme to solicit foreign money in exchange for Thanksgiving pardons.Happy Thanksgiving.I regret to inform you that you’re doing it wrong.We the people deserve the truth about Biden’s sinister Thanksgiving ployWe deserve to know what really happened, and whether the turkeys were, at any point, in possession of Hunter Biden’s other laptop. (I’m told that other laptop is where all the real dirt can be found.)And if you need to do your own research, you can find this piece you’re currently reading on the internet, thus proving it’s all true.You’re welcome, America.Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerkFeatured Weekly AdAbout Us Newsroom Staff Ethical Principles Request a Correction Press Releases Accessibility Sitemap Subscription Terms & Conditions Terms of Service Your California Privacy Rights / Privacy Policy Privacy PolicyDo Not Sell / Share / Target My InfoCookie SettingsContact Us Help Center My Account Give Feedback Get Home Delivery eNewspaper USA TODAY Shop USA TODAY Print Editions Licensing & Reprints Advertise With Us Careers Internships Support Local BusinessNews Tips Submitting letters to the editor Podcasts Newsletters Mobile Apps Facebook X Instagram LinkedIn Threads Post YouTube Reddit Flipboard10Best Reviewed Best-selling Booklist Jobs Sports Betting Sports Weekly Studio Gannett Classifieds Coupons Blueprint Auto Insurance Pet Insurance Travel Insurance Credit Cards Banking Personal Loans LLC Formation Payroll Software© 2023 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC.
